can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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