I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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