Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
