I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
