He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
