Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize