So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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