apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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