Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
