He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
