i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
