You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
