I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
