its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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