I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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