Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
