wanna go halves on a baby?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
