Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
