Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
