i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I queefed so loud it echoed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
