then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
