I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
