im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
