tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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