its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
