You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
