so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
