***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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