i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
