my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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