Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
