Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
