dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
