its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize