Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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