i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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