all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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