Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
