Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
