His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I did not marry a roomba.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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