it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
