WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my moral compass just broke
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
