i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
