She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
