Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
