I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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