Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He has the fingertips of a God
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
