I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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