If i come over, it means nothing
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
