Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
