She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
