Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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