It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
