No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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