also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
