Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well you can't waste a boner
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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