I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
