Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
