I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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