you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
