Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
