I need help removing her.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
