I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have tasted many bathrooms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
