Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
