Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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