Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
