She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
