yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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