yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
