Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
two words...techno handjob
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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