i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
